2023 Alfa Romeo Giulia Quadrifoglio

This example is a few months old and has covered just 1178 miles, which means that your author has clocked up 0.59% of its total mileage driving it around our Abingdon HQ.

In ‘Natural’ mode, it sounds pretty tame and, dare we say it, rather ordinary. 

But, let’s be honest, why would you buy this car and drive it in that mode? 

In ‘Dynamic’ mode, it gets changed in a phone box and comes out fighting in its cape and tights, and all to a splendidly throaty soundtrack of snorts and barks.

And then there’s ‘Race’ mode.

Mercy.

‘Race’ mode is where the gloves come off, the gum shield and abdominal protector are thrown out of the window, and the car comes out swinging like a Bronx boxer punching sides of beef in a cold store. 

Press on a bit (and we guarantee you will not be able to resist doing so) and the factory fitted Acrapovitch exhaust system bursts into life. 

The sonic crescendo rises though a cacophony of other-worldly shrieks, pops, wails, roars, moans, bangs and grunts to an epic aural climax that sounds for all the world like Tom Waits shouting for another bottle of Jack Daniels at a Motörhead gig.

We think this car is worth the money just to hear that, frankly.

Given that most of our condition reports describe things that are wrong, missing, broken, faulty or otherwise less than perfect, this really shouldn’t take very long at all.

This looks like a showroom-fresh, delivery-miles car because that’s what it is.

The bodywork is beyond reproach and the sumptuously rich metallic red paint looks so recently applied we’re surprised it’s dry yet. 

The ‘Teledial’ alloy wheels, home to red callipers and ventilated brake discs, are in excellent, unmarked condition.

So, too, are the matching Pirelli P-Zero Corsa tyres, which have the freshness you might expect to find in tyres that have barely worn the shine off their tread.

Everything works, everything is even, consistent, flush and properly screwed together.

It’s all good.

For the record, and just because we’re clutching at straws here, we found one or two tiny stone chips around the front valance, on the back bumper and the ‘nose’ of the car, plus one equally tiny scuff mark on the bonnet.

That’s it.

Everything else, whether metal, alloy, glass, plastic or carbon-fibre, is pretty much immaculate.

The inside of this virtually brand-new and unused car, you won’t be entirely surprised to learn, is every bit as pristine as its exterior counterpart. 

The black leather seats, front and back, are untroubled by even the thought of of a crease.

The door cards are young, innocent and full of unsullied hope. 

So, too, is the headlining.

The carpets and mats, even if pressed, would struggle to recognise a pair of feet.

The steering wheel, gear selector, instruments, dials and controls all look good to us.

We didn’t tweak every lever, press every knob or flick every switch, but those we did tweak, press and flick did as they were told without delay, complaint or attitude. 

The engine bay is spectacularly clean, shiny, dry and tidy. 

We’d give it 5 stars on a food hygiene scale, never mind a mechanic’s report, and everything appears to be in its right and proper place.

The undersides look to be as squeaky clean and minty fresh as the rest of the car. 

This car doesn’t have any history because it hasn’t been anywhere or done anything.

It has a service book that’s patiently waiting for its first stamp.

The car comes with two sets of keys and a clean HPI check.

You could go and purchase a brand new one of these today, right now. 

Obviously, you’d then wait a long time for it to turn up, send it back because it’s not the spec you ordered, get another one sent six months later, send it back because it’s the wrong colour, wait another six months, send it back because it’s now got velour tartan upholstery, wait another six months……you get the picture.

Or, you could save yourself a lot of time and a considerable amount of money by buying this one, which is as good as new and is known to start, run, drive and perform exactly as it should – i.e., brilliantly.

Your money, your choice.

But we know what we’d do.

We are happy to offer this vehicle for auction with an estimate in the range of £45,000 - £55,000.

Viewing is strongly encouraged, and this lot is located at Bonhams|Cars Online HQ. Viewings are strictly by appointment.  To make a booking, please use the Contact Seller button at the top of the listing. Feel free to ask any questions or make observations in the comments section below, and read our ‘Frequently Asked Questions’.